The 3am phone call

09Sep08

If the world was 2 seconds away from nuclear destruction would you pick up the phone? If you saw that the caller ID said “World Calling” would you answer in a heartbeat or roll your eyes and turnover the other way in bed? I must admit, my first instinct would be the latter option. I mean, honestly, if the world is going to end anyway what’s waking me up gonna do? Well, I’ve received the 3am phone call, the 2am phone call the 4 in the afternoon phone call and everything else in between. In fact, I received one of them last night right before I was about to go to bed (but then again, doesn’t that always seem to be the time when someone needs something?). It was the usual evening phone call from my best friend. But what I thought would be a ‘just checking in with you for the day’ ended up being the nuclear destruction I mentioned earlier. See, she just left for college in August after staying home for a year to work. Naturally, she had her qualms about leaving but I assured her everything would be fine. And for a while (more like 2 weeks), she’s been okay with her biggest worry of course being if she’ll make friends.

*Sidenote: If I can deviate for a minute I find it funny how when we reach a certain age we feel all grown and get that ‘can’t tell me nothin’ attitude but then something as junior high school as not having friends can put us right back in our places again.

Anyway, as this is her first time away from home I am constantly telling her the friends will come it’ll fall into place. But as usual, something or someone has to mess it all up. See, when I picked up the phone last night I wasn’t greeted with a cheery “hey!” instead I heard a sniffle and a choke. To anyone else, that would have been a red flag to hang up and hope the person never calls back again. But I know better. I knew she was crying. One of those deep heart wrenching cries like someone just died or you’re 14 and just found out you’re pregnant. I knew it wasn’t the last one so I figured it was death. But I couldn’t even blame death for this one. No, the cause this time, like several others was because of her ex-boyfriend who deleted her from his myspace and in her eyes, his entire life.

What can you say to someone who feels like the person they love most erased them from their minds? Whited them out and wrote all over them like they never existed? I was at a loss for words because a) this isn’t the first time Mr. Wonderful has pulled this stunt and b) because she was taking it so hard. My friend was in love with him. Her heart beated for him, she breathed for him because he was all she had when everyone else was gone. But I’ve never felt that kind of love. Maybe strong like, but not love. I mean I’ve felt the butterflies, or what could have been mistakenly indigestion but not love. Not the L-WORD. And it’s thanks to this word that my best friend can’t comprehend, can’t fathom what’s going on in her ex-boyfriends life. She can’t understand why their distance means they can’t talk anymore, can’t be friends.

I told her maybe he just shouldn’t be in her life. If someone can hurt you so much time after time, constantly disappointing, then maybe they need to be removed from your life. But she is a human being, and for those of us with a heart, sometimes it’s just too hard to let go.

I didn’t have the answers for her last night and I don’t have them now. All I could do was let her cry, another sob, another choke, all over the phone. And then I questioned it, asked if this whole love thing is really worth it.

Is it really better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all?

Filed under: Uncategorized   |  2 Comments
Tags: friends, love